I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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