Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
