Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
