I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
