The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
