i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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