Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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