Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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