So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
