Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
