In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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