plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
