Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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