My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
