I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
