kristin has been a bad kristin
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
