I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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