Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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