And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
