could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
