my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
