I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
