woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
