You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
