So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
