I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
