If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
