my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
