They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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