We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
