Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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