WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just want nice things and good sex
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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