It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
