While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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