And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
