evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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