I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
