I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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