I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
