somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
