everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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