Your face is a jimmy john
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
