dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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