Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
