They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
