I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
