im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
