According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
