he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
