being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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