Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
