How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
