im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
