Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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