Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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